Birthday Post Annual 26: Self-Gifts

There is something about giving myself a gift. It stemmed from the very young days when each birthday wish was to hope to have a birthday gift given by someone, just like other kids, on my next birthday. There was once in Pri 4 or 5, when after I left school, I was surprised to find my 3rd aunt waiting at the BLK 140 void deck with my father. She then asked me to choose an ice-cream from that mama shop and told me it was my birthday gift.

It was the 1st birthday gift I ever received, as far as my memory goes (because according to verbal anecdotes and photos, I did have birthday celebrations when I was a few years old).

So please pardon the birthday-gift deprived me for buying myself 2 birthday gifts, if not including a shopping spree for new clothes lol Although, yes, yes, I do buy myself big-ticket items every now and then now that I am financially capable, but it’s the tradition, you know. Tradition…

The 1st gift that I bought for myself about a week before the big day was the red Ink bag (although some argued that it was orange). I was in between the Hep B booster jab and insurance body check up when I decided to pop by Hougang Mall to while my time away and taking a look at a bag that I eyed a few weeks back.

I looked around and around and saw another one that caught my eyes literally (too bright to be concealed) and found this bag that had a lot of compartments. ya… That was the main reason why I bought it, and it made me overlook the fact that it was not designed for me to put my fresh uniform in without crumpling them.

So I ended up having to bring my uniform in a separate shoe bag. So I decided to buy myself another bag this coming X’mas.

My next purchase was an even ‘longer’ purchase. In between June and July, the squad were always shuttling between malls while waiting for our medical check ups for the Nepal trip, as well as meeting up even on weekends cos we just had no lives then.

One of our favourite pastimes was to go look at watches. OK, I was influenced by MM who was looking to buy a new expensive watch, so we were looking through watch galleries every time we passed by one. I remembered one morning when we spent our time at this big watch gallery in IMM and I saw this watch that caught my eye (finally, after endless mindless browsing through dozens of shops). It had a flaw, and I told MM straight away about that.

‘Too bad there was this date, or else the clock face looked simple and cool.”

Alas! The image of the watch stuck in my head so long after that, that I knew it was THE ONE watch I had to buy. After seeing it again at The Heeren again, I told myself I would get it as a birthday gift this year. After all, who knows I might see another that I fancied?

2 months later, I am still thinking of this watch, and so, on the day of my birthday, I happened to knock off early, and I was loitering in White Sands (I didn’t want to spend my birthday just at work and at home) and I decided to drop by the watch gallery there. Lo and behold! The hard-to-find watch was in that small space!

I had to choose between the black face and white face, of which, I immediately chose the black one the moment I put it on my wrist and looked at myself in the mirror. I was so mesmerized that I was even willing to wait for half an hour just to wait for a new one to come from the warehouse.

So guys, here is The Watch that I aimed for so long…

不是我不空闲

我承认，我真的很懒惰上博客发帖。我是有时间的，毕竟就算我做多少的 OT 我还是会下班、上班。只是在这段工作之余的时间，我宁可呆在电脑面前浏览无聊网页（ 因为我体力透支，需要修养），不然就是找个朋友出去荒废时间流连在某个购物中心里（ 因为我精神透支，需要人情充电）。

所以你可以说，我的世界已经从虚拟的世界走入真实了。

忘了从哪里读到，那些喜欢流连在虚拟世界的人，尤其是青少年，都是为了想要逃避真实世界；他们活在的世界有某种因素促使他们宁愿把精神投入在一个虚拟、构造的世界，也不愿面对现实中的窘境。

想想看，我步入青春期的岁月，的确有太多让我不想面对的现实了。有太多的事情，我都无能为力，只有在玩 《SimCity 3000》 的时候，我才能感觉到前所未有的控制权。虽然游戏很简单，却带给我无穷大的力量。

当了兵，又想要逃避现实，于是又沉迷于电脑游戏中。尤其在不想出营后面对家人，也没有那个精力出外走走，所以就躲在游戏空间。

大学，发现比别人落后了许多。努力，换不到成果。争取，只有被退缩。Web 2.0 的演变，能够让我展开我在现实生活中无法进行的寻觅行动。所以我再次沉沦，放弃与真实世界沟通。

现在，虽然我更投入于真实人生的活动，但是这当中难免仍存在着一些讽刺。

我的工作，让我耗费醒着的绝大部分的时间的工作，就是在一个构造出来的虚假环境中。在四面墙的范围里，不同背景的人得凑合起来互动；为了生活，为了生存，为了声誉，谁都会做些出乎自己意料以及能耐的事。斗智斗勇，我们天天活在适者生存的环境内，只是如果今天我被你利用了，没关系，明天再来。反正你是逃不出这个框框的 NPC，我是因为肾上腺素中毒的游戏瘾君子，游戏 REPLAY，明天 level up，就是我的工作准则。

花了那么多时间在升级版的 ‘电脑游戏’ 中，我踏出那四道墙难道还要继续活在虚拟的世界里吗？

我很久以前就发现，墙外的人永远都无法了解我们墙内的人的世界，无论是 ‘蓝衣的’ 或 ‘白衣的’。就连那些经常进出的志愿工作者也以犀利的眼光看待我们这些牺牲掉自由的人，仿佛为社会维持秩序是我们的罪过。我不是说 ‘白衣的’ 全部都是烂苹果，我也没有在说 ‘蓝衣的’ 是乌合之众，只是在这虚造的小型社会中所产生的压力是连我们这些当局者也不会察觉到的陷阱。

当虚幻的世界开始侵蚀我的真实生活，模糊了那道界线，我也不知道我什么时候会无法分清楚真与假，虚与实。到底是分界线太细了，还是那道墙厚到令人看不到另外一边？

不是我不空闲，总要让我找到走出那道墙的路。

Birthday Post Annual 26: Resolutions

I knew I would not be able to publish an entry on what I did on my birth date itself, so I’m doing it in stages. Like in this version, it will focus on what I did every year: Making resolutions.

ha…

Long long time ago, my birthday resolutions and NY resolutions were separate. But as time went by, it became redundant to maintain 2 resolutions, so the birthday resolutions became the main beacon for the next year, while at New Year, I would make a revision of the birthday resolution as well as conclude the previous year’s resolutions.

This year, my resolution is as follows:

As can be seen, I have omitted all those resolutions about being a better person. There is always a ‘room for improvement’ for being a better person, so this goal will be never-ending. As long as I endeavour to upgrade myself and my skills, so that I can contribute to my workplace and organization effectively, it does not matter what skills I aim to gain for the year.

My goals are now more pragmatic. Making holiday plans with my closed ones… I have already settled a period where I can go make merry with them. The matter now is the exact date and venue. Ironically, the only place I have gone to this year was… NEPAL only. Gahmen sponsored some more. Last year, I went to Genting and TW, spending my own money although I was unemployed.

But even after saving from travelling this year, I am still broke.

Not as in pauper broke broke. I still do not have enough disposable income to spare for such things. I barely made up the basic savings for emergency last month. And I have yet started to invest for retirement…

How…?

And I will need $$$ if I were to publish ZZGY. I do hope to find a publisher willing to do it, but I would rather depend on myself, since I knew that the genre is not something that a publisher will deem commercially viable. Sponsors, anyone??

Cool Day~

Changed shift to cover a colleague; ended up doing the most nerve-wrecking job of the week. But it’s OK.

Went over to SB’s institution for work-related purposes and talked crap with him. That’s fine

Was supposed to wait for SB to go jalang jalang after work together, but he was late coming out. So I went over to the coffeeshop nearby. I concluded that I was too atas for coffeeshops and settled at an alfresco cafe beside. Had a cup of hot mocha, potato wedges while reading a book, all the while facing the outside of the cafe (I was sitting just near the entrance), gazing occasionally at the cloudy sky and enjoying the peace and serenity that comes with the rainy season.

That was heavenly.

Hanged out with SB to do some stuff, like walking in the drizzle to the next bus stop, realizing we were wearing the same shirt… Me bragging about my new bag, while he bragged about his good staff appraisal from his OC. We poked fun at each other about how I’m beginning to go down the path of the Devil, while he alleviates to the status of Angel.

Coming home, turning on my lappy to find the outside temperature to be a real cool 24°C was a real stimulant. I guess it would continue to go down as the night progressed.

All my beloved out there, please do take care and pile on more clothes if necessary

The Past Week

Last Sunday, when I looked at the week ahead, I thought it would be a boring one. In fact, 2 days into the week, I was dreading the boredom.

One of the most obvious reason was that my shift was totally different from my kakis for this week (and perhaps the ensuing weeks, since we all pursue a fixed shift pattern). That would mean lunch by myself and no dinner getaways after work.

But it was also at such times that I get to clear my piling stuff.

I got my 2nd Hep B booster (which was like 3 months overdue) and went for the check up for my new insurance. I also went down to city (Vivo) for the 1st time in many many weeks on a weekday to do some shopping.

All these, I did with only doing OT on Friday.

And speaking of Friday, THE black Friday, 2 significant things happened that ended the work week with a ‘bang’. I was 1st tasked to do an external escort (it was a task everyone dreaded, cos it ate into our operations time, as well as deemed as dangerous), which had a special twist in the end.

I also wrote the 1st disciplinary report of my career, although it was not of my intention to do so.

My weekend was packed as well.

I met up with the ZPS gang again at Paragon and had tea at this cafe serving good cakes and pastries. We were so satisfied that we arranged to go back and have its cake buffet a month later

And then I went for my facial (and got painfully squeezed by the PRC beautician) and then a good back massage by the young and vocally impaired guy, who heaved and ho each time he elbowed me. hmmm…

I also went to the bridal salon to rent a suit jacket for my sis’ wedding, all because I promised her to be her emcee for the event. ah… so troublesome. And the jacket did not really suit me, since I liked those that are slim fit. But oh well, we shall see..

Birthday Wish List

The 1st and up till now only thing on my birthday wish list is below. Right now, it can only be found in Kinokuniya..

《叮叮当》完整MV

This is interesting…

I was returning home from work when the song came up in my MP3. It also happened that I was feeling rather blue over some matter. When the chorus came up with the lyrics ‘一个人永远有权起舞；可以不需要双数’ and ‘一个人切戒要人拥抱；搅不好’, it sounded as if providence was trying to tell me something. Otherwise, the song would not have come up at such a timing, right?

Coming home, I logged on to the net and found myself staring into the newly posted MV of this very song. Now, there really IS a message. hmmm…

One of the many many reasons why I liked sammi so much is that she always had a new song that called out to me at that point of time.

This was one of it.

How many sammi are there in the MV?? hee*