《和平分离》

两个不可能在一起的人到底能不能 ‘暂时’ 在一起，等到有一天现实终于要把他们拆散时才和平分离？这首词就是围绕这个故事展开。

《和平分离》

词：冷叶

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平安夜    Champs Élysees

钟声下人潮唏嘘

我抱着最珍惜的你

品尝这一刻宁静

.

曾走过乡间小径

梧桐下蒐藏回忆

你看着我把画拴紧

并肩寻找的风景

.

象飘雪覆盖每寸晶莹

该怎么证明感情

在冰点的距离    隔着玻璃

心跳竟如此清晰

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象山林天气阴晴不定

该怎么追溯感情

从开始就决定故事结局

当彼此找到幸福的定义

和平分离

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清晨的离境大厅

擦肩而过的命运

我们都曾留下足迹

又何必留恋风景

.

象飘雪覆盖每寸晶莹

该怎么证明感情

在冰点的距离    隔着玻璃

心跳竟如此清晰

.

象山林天气阴晴不定

该怎么追溯感情

从开始就决定故事结局

当彼此找到幸福的定义

和平分离

.

翻自：《不如不见》陈奕迅

Weekend in a Flash

I rebonded my hair, again. The last time I did it, I was reluctant and I was not aware of the benefits. After I cut the last strands of the rebonded hair (that made up of my long fringe kept over the past 5 months of training), I began to realize how the rebonded hair kept bad hair days away.

But with rebonded hair also comes its problems. Like how water/sweat would very easily drip off the tip of my hair, drenching my face all over. ya… I remembered going to classes in BOC, and when I took off my peak cap after the march from bunk to classroom, my sweat would just drip like tap water. For the past month after I cut my rebonded hair, that never happened again. The frizz just trapped the water to my head…

But I still prefer rebonded hair, cos that meant I need not bother to style my hair a lot lol

I watched a movie with SB. And we had lunch and dinner before and after that. Dinner was at this burmese restaurant in Marina Square, which well, was not really impressive. No wow! factor, that is. We then met MM, Mon and Harvi at BK and talked till late. ha… We still talked about work, but that was our common topic.

I realized that I have different groups of friends by virtue of the different common topics we had (perhaps this was common sense). The ZPS gang would inevitably talk about primary and secondary school days, while my HJC gang would make jibes at our classmates. It would really be tough to bring common topics across social circles. For one, it was hard to discern what information I have about work that I couldn’t tell my other friends. As for those that I could say, it would involve a great deal of effort to give a background story. Like the other time I met YJ, I had to give him a ‘general view’ of the Changi Prison Complex before I could explain to him why there were certain classes of inmates that I most probably would not come in touch with for the next 2 years.

But according to Harvi, I may be coming into touch with ALL sorts of inmates in the near future. I used to laugh secretly when I think of the work that was not part of the job scope of normal officers like me… But now…

Talking about my HJC friends, I met them at Ziwei’s wedding, which I thought was smashing. The feeling was like walking into Xin Wang HK Cafe. When weddings after weddings that I attended were using English songs that were distant to me, it was warm and inviting to be eating and conversing with friends in a Chinese themed wedding. I know I would not be able to have a Chinese themed wedding as long as I stay in the service, cos I have to be politically correct in my wedding planning. Racially sensitive, to be exact.

However, whether I get married is another thing.

I wonder if I can get someone to get married with me, just for the sake of holding a wedding dinner. No signing of marriage of certificate, no vows. Just for the heck fun of creating a wedding dinner hooha.

I still have one more wedding to attend, which I must attend.

That may again set me thinking of my marriage that seemed too distant. Who would I get help from? Who would be my emcee? What new stuff can I do? WHO, will The One be?

Just now, QY and gang asked me about my relationship history, which I found hard to describe. Not cos it was too complicated, but I really had nothing to declare. And people like my sis, when I told her nonchalantly that I went pak tor when in actual fact I went to watch a movie with SB (that happened some weeks ago), she really took it for real. It just goes to show how people around me are actually getting concerned about my bachelorhood secretly.

But… but… I have just started work. I have yet to start making investments for my retirement. I doubt I am even ‘desirable’ for potential spouses. My work is unglam and classified as ‘dangerous’ in insurance terms.

Most importantly, I have ‘no feeling’. I can be jealous, spiteful, frustrated, chirpy, optimistic or inspired, but I can’t feel love. I can’t even feel love for my family. The closest thing was the loyalty I have for my close friends, the calling to try my best to solve their problems when the time calls for it. But the relationship multiplier stops just there.

ya…

I was supposed to update my weekend activities. Not whining here. haiz…

OK, enough said. I need to sleep.

Back For The Weekend

Home Team Basic Course – I went for that. It was an 8-day stay in course at where else? Home Team Academy. What those who went for the 1st batch said was true (which was not very on the positive side) and I must say I find it not just b***ing but also disg***ing.

My personal distaste for the course itself aside (which of course I won’t and I can’t express openly in an open domain), there were things I could remark about the whole course.

Like the fact that rob and I were sharing the same room, which was unfortunately 2 levels away from the rest of the prison guys. That meant I had to go all the way down for the nightly gossip sessions lor and I could not wait for the others to go off together.

Culture shock between me and rob… Well… I scolded him for constantly switching on the light (even in the day), cos I am VERY LIGHT AVERSE. Light hurts my eyes and I would prefer to live in the dark if I could. I also argued with him about leaving the room door open, cos the room was super stuffy and in need of ventilation.

As for him… I don’t know what he did not like about me… haha! Maybe he did not like the fact that I always left him in the room to go chit chat with the guys (he wanted to sleep early what…) or that I always woke up so late, I left only 20 min between leaving the bed and leaving the door for fall in. Or perhaps he could not stand me grumbling every now and then about the very rigid discipline master or group IC. Or badmouthing some other guy who happen to not fit my criteria of being a normal human being.

Whatever.

We spent most of our waking hours asleep in the comfy auditorium chairs (somewhat like the GV chairs), so much so that we looked like people on DIL (Dangerously Ill List). We spent part of our evenings discussing how to fill up the performance item for social night, to the tunes of MJ (1st time I watched or listened to his song in full… Previously, I only knew ~BEE LEH!!~

Our discipline master wanted us to sit in our groups and to mix with the guys from the other agencies. But by 2nd day, we were sitting with our prison kakis in the same group again, and by the 4th day, we were leaving our groups for our prison community. Even during the morning tea breaks (the food was better than that of the mess hall), we were mixing and talking with our own people rather than the others. We even went to cafeteria in the evenings in our identity as a full pledged prison officer…

I guess, the fact that we were full fledged officers (and senior ones too) bore the wrath of the organizers. We somewhat were the ones who led the others astray, not marching properly or conforming to certain rules. Well, we are no longer trainees and it really made no sense for us to act like trainees when we are already working professionals. We are now contributing fully to our organization in operations. We should be treated with more dignity for our professionalism.

Oh right… I just hate marching around like trainees.

Did I make new friends? Yes, I did, but perhaps not as much or as deeply as some of my colleagues lah. Be glad that I even made an effort to mix. I could have just sat there for 5 full days and kept to myself and emit an aura that said ‘LEAVE ME ALONE’ lol

Anyways, this course… I shall just treat it as a dream that does not need to be regarded with importance. Let’s just say it added no value to my work and my operational capabilities. ya… ’nuff said.

*And I could not even type properly after a week of acting like I was on DIL…*

The Effort To Connect

Met up with MM and SB last Friday. It was not as if we had not met up for a long time (in relative terms, yes, cos they were away for a 1 week plus course, which was in contrast to our meeting with each other every other day..). Here and there, we talked about various stuff, and of cos, there was the argument which left me huffing away (and then huffing back).

The toll of work is getting to me. To be exact, it is the emotion dissonance that got to me. I guess this is the work-hazard of those in the ’service line’.

In my case, I must keep my cool all the time, despite all the ridiculous reasons my recipients gave me for the rules they broke, despite all the sweet talk they gave in order for me to give them the ‘privilege’ to break rules, despite the walking about to search in, search out, supervise… despite all the running around whenever some alarm went off, despite having to keep a special eye to some recipients who could not take care of themselves (Baba: How long has he not eaten? Me: eh… I can only confirm since Thursday… *sweatz.. what if I remembered wrongly??*).

The list goes on and on…

Oh… And did I mention that I touched the most number of holy books (bibles top the list) in the past 2 weeks than in the whole of my life before that? I even once held a bible for the 1 hour I was supervising sick parade. (Me: What the… *flips the bible and fished out a bookmark made from a magazine cut out of a bikini babe* Recipient: Sir, sorry lah… Me: Say sorry to God, not to me…)

Let me see… There’s the Bible and Qur’an, English and Chinese versions. There’s the Tafsir to explain what the Qur’an was saying and there was this word-by-word explanation of the phrases in there. There’s the Good News Bible and the Daily Bread. There are books approved by the Programme Branch and those approved by the religious authorities. Most are text versions and those with pictures must not have the depictions of God or Jesus unless otherwise ‘chopped’. But usually won’t approve cos… I must go ask why.

I am the horror-censor cos I do not allow cleavages and bare thighs. I do allow low cut pictures IF they do not have cleavages. I hate HK magazines cos they are full of cleavages (who and who zao geng and who and who used what to enhance their breasts) and I love Malay magazines cos the female models inside are ALWAYS fully clothed. I will use a marker with a translucent ink, so that my recipients know there was cleavage underneath that ink, but too bad I spoiled their viewing pleasure.

Back to the original topic.

MM and SB were taunting me for sending e-mails to confirm the dinner, and to send e-mail to Mr Teh even though it was confirmed he would not show up. They were saying things like: I was so busy that I barely had the time to sit down and check email, and then you still spam my mailbox…

hmmm… I did defend myself, but they continued with remarks like: You OT 2 hours cos you spend your time sending all these e-mails mah!!

oh… This one I could not really confirm.

Cos you see, I send e-mails in between movements when I had breaks. I used sending emails as a form of breaks, just like during exam periods in the past, I used blogging as a form of break from studying (much to the disgust of most muggers). Some people drink coffee or cook maggi mee during their breaks. I sat in front of the PC to act busy when in actual fact I was checking my mails. 5 minutes later, I would be out of office again.

Actually, I am not them (or anyone else), so I cannot really know what they meant by ‘busy’ and how they managed their time. But my philosophy was simple: No matter how busy or tired I am, I make time and effort to connect with people whom I cared enough to connect with.

The carpe diem theory, or in layman terms, assume that you are going to die the next day theory, applies to every moment of our lives. If I am going to die the following day, being busy right now for the next 10 hours does not mean that my death will be postponed by 10 hours. If I had to finish 10 hours of work before I die, then I make sure that I pace myself so that I can fork out time to make a phone call to those who mattered so that I could still hear their voices before I die.

In all earnestness, I would like to clarify that I work as hard as anyone out there (even if the OT I clocked every time I was on morning shift does not count). My effort to connect is not a symptom of my lack of work, but my reason to take a break from work.

I do not have the luxury of having 2 full days of weekend every week. Even on my off days, there is the possibility that I could be recalled for work for up to 8 hours (Thankfully that possibility has not turned to reality just yet). Being on standby 24/7 actually made me treasure my time out of work even more, and let me feel grateful for all the good friends whom I still am in contact with.

Let’s all be grateful for the things we have.

p/s: I did not walk out of the dinner date cos of the taunts mentioned here, it was something else.

pp/s: That ‘walking out’ was one of the methods taught in anger management.

ppp/s: I would be on a stay-in course for the next 1 week plus (my turn now), so I can only reply sms at night (just like now) and will not appear online on weekdays.

Love Mi 2009 – 2010

Yes I did it. After about half an hour of failure to garner a seat on the selected day of show (system kept telling me seats are sold out even though it showed LIMITED), I FINALLY GOT ONE.

Y ~ E ~ S ! ! !

I was discussing with my sister about my plan on how I intended to fly to HK.

Take a flight at about 0000hrs on that very day of the show, so that I would reach at about 0700hrs (changing budget airline flights). Then, have a shower in the airport, come out and have dim sum breakfast, walk around at some ‘places of interests’, and then go watch the show. Walk out of HK Coliseum, go to airport, and then catch the earliest flight back. Reach SG in the morning, go home and slack Don’t need to spend $$$ on hotels…

Perfect plan!!

罪与罚 MV

This came out on Facebook last week, and I was dumb enough not to search for it on Youtube… lol Introducing… The Rehab Song.

作曲：陈奂仁
填词：黃伟文/24 Herbs
编曲：陈奂仁
歌曲监制：陈奂仁

Sammi：
谁惩罚过你 想想从头到尾 谁迫你认罪炮轰你

衪这么爱你 但你觉得衪讨厌你 因此给你那罪恶感拖垮起重机
衪只想教你 磨练更谦卑一个你 多反省你对人对己易犯禁忌

24 Herbs (Rap)：
我无得救 我嘅路系咪走到尽头 只靠毒品 让我有一刹自由
望住块镜 见到自己越嚟越瘦 喺呢个社会 我只感到越退越后
望天打卦 感觉可怕 可唔可以将我躯体立刻火化
现实社会 我再无能力招架 我放弃自己 神会宽恕我吗

人生为乜 生存好迷失 为金钱卑躬屈膝 为明利改变本质
再唔记得 自己有乜原则 见一日 过一日 直至我嘅末日
我继续沉溺 万无目的 负面嘅思想 永远脑里充斥
系抑郁 定压抑 我唔识 呢张纸 可能会系我最后嘅笔迹

Sammi：
谁惩罚过你 怎么垂头丧气 谁迫你认错担起苦行石碑
谁原谅过你 可否牢牢铭记 从宽恕入面见真理

24 Herbs (Rap)：
我哋系 呢一出戏嘅主角 想演好 呢个角色需要时刻保持醒觉
擘大眼 打醒十二分精神 提防小人喺你背后用暗箭将你击晕
戏如人生 尽力做好本份 但可能故事结局太过逼真
而真相更残忍 系要被大众公开评分 无奈你要成为人群中嘅最劣等

光与影 呢秒钟无法形成对等 黑与白嘅关系再次引起纷争
灰色地带衍生一连串质问 你会失去所有似战争
自由太多会令世人失去平衡 唯有全能嘅神能够给你指引
我祈求上帝向你伸出援手 能够带你走出呢一个十字路口

Sammi：
其实你 原谅了他等于救己 个个犯罪谁会没罪谁坏到要死
而你 何事要下半旗 你要赎罪陪你赎罪何只你

Sammi：谁惩罚过你 怎么垂头丧气 / (24 Herbs：我唔想再咁落去)
Sammi：谁迫你认错担起苦行石碑 / (24 Herbs：想你教我点样去面对)
Sammi：谁原谅过你 可否牢牢铭记 / (24 Herbs：我唔想再咁落去)
Sammi：从宽恕入面见真理 / (24 Herbs：想你教我点样去面对)

Sammi：谁惩罚过你 怎么垂头丧气 /
(Sammi：衪这么爱你 但你觉得衪讨厌你) / (24 Herbs：我唔想再咁落去)
Sammi：谁迫你自责天天刁难自己 /
(Sammi：因此给你那罪恶感拖垮起重机) / (24 Herbs：想你教我点样去面对)

Sammi：谁原谅过你 可否牢牢铭记 /
(Sammi：衪只想教你 磨练更谦卑一个你) / (24 Herbs：我唔想再咁落去)
Sammi：能宽恕实在有福气 /
(Sammi：多反省你对人对己易犯禁忌) / (24 Herbs：想你教我点样去面对)

Link for lyrics

MC-ed

So paiseh… Fall sick again.. This time, not he usual suspect. It’s lao sai this time. Plus fever. Reminded me of my food poisoning episode in S. Korea. Rested for a whole afternoon in vain. I wonder if I can recover by tomorrow..