My Eulogy
xy is very funny. She started to wonder (and blogged) about what people will say about when she dies. She even said her family used to go into a session of writing such stuff for each other, for curious sake. This reminds me of the time when she said her whole family watched the Chu Meifeng sex VCD while having family reunion dinner.
haha…
Her family very liberal.
Long long time ago, I always eulogize for myself. Those were the times of long bus rides to and from RV, where I’d just spend the whole journey pondering everything about the world. I had a lot of theories for myself, my behaviour, my personality, my psychology and I even imagined the various ways I would die.
ya… Those were the days when KF was my only friend, and only one who spoke to me. But he was such a repressed person, I was worried that he would not say anything about me when I died. He would not tell my family how good I was, tell them about the good stuff they did not know about me. But most importantly, I had hoped he would tell them how foolish it was that they never treasured me.
I thought of writing letters to that means too, since I thought KF would not be a good way for me to leave my legacy around. Those were days of super 洒狗血 letters. I remembered the orientation in Sec 2, morning, when KF was a student councillor while I had to stay in school to do guard duty to ‘look after’ the Sec 1 kids juniors. He asked me to help him write a letter for his crush.
After a night of craziness (forgot what I did with the other NCC guys) and continuous dosage of pop culture, especially it was soon after 百分百感觉 was screened, I started spouting ‘lyrical’ words which he dutifully copied down. Halfway through, he stopped writing, while sammi possessed me (I was actually acting out the scene before she threw the ring into the swimming pool). When I was done, all KF ever said was, ‘Wow!’.
Anyways, I was am all talk but no write. So all my hidden letters remained hidden and now lost in memory.
Considering the situation I was in, I conclude that people who wishes to be eulogized should be feeling insecure and lonely bah. I was definitely not a friend-full person then, and whenever I thought I was doing something so positive/meaningful to my life, I was so afraid that the stuff will be lost/uncompleted should I die unexpectedly.
And yet I have never really attained a stage of life where I was fully satisfied with my life, such that I do not worry about a lonely and desolated funeral. The times when I do not fantasize about it were times when I was busy doing other things, like work. So I can’t really say if it’s true that people who do not eulogize about themselves are satisfied with their lives, while I can only say the converse is true.
So, 干妈, are you lonely? If you feel insecure and lonely, can come talk to me. I will make sure I will talk you into believing that your death will be as worthless as your living life, and that perhaps life, as a form of shit, has a certain value in its fertilizing sense. I mean, without those people whose lives are shitty, there won’t be people who would feel good about their lives le…
